Relationship tips are a dime a dozen, but they aren't always good. It's time to weed out the good from the bad, and streamline the process. Here's what you should do to have a great relationship.

Communication

Let’s start with the tip that people consider to be the most obvious: communication. It’s so obvious, in fact, that it gets overlooked quite easily. It gets taken for granted, and outright misunderstood.

For example, when people say communication is important in a relationship, they often refer to being able to talk to your partner. It’s about sharing details of the day, as well as being able to talk about wants and needs. And yes, that is completely accurate.

But it leaves out the rest.

Communication doesn’t just end with wants and needs, or details of the day. It also spans across everything else in a relationship. Ideally, those in a romantic partnership should be communicating during tough times and good times alike. And finding ways to communicate that resonate with each other.

For example, maybe there’s a man and a woman. The woman communicates with words, and keeps things as direct and honestly blunt as she can. She doesn’t beat around the bush. But the guy, well, he doesn’t communicate clearly enough for her to understand. When he answers questions, or shares details in a story or explanation, it’s not very detailed at all. In fact, it’s very… short, vague and otherwise frustrating.

A good tip would be to find a way to communicate that better clarified things. Perhaps he’s a better writer than he is a speaker. Or maybe he communicates visually better. So when he sees a prime example of what he’s talking about, he can just point to it.

In other words, communication styles vary, and good couples will understand that and find ways to effectively get their messages across that will play up their strengths.

Understanding

People in solid relationships understand each other. And that means a few things. For one, it means that they know what the other person is all about. They can look at something, hear a song, or watch a film, and know whether the other person would find it interesting.

But it also means that when one of them does something that appears to be not so good, maybe makes a mistake, the other person will not be quick to judge. Instead, they will take the time to listen to the whole story, and see where this situation really came from.

For instance, maybe there’s a couple and one of them has been flirting with people online. It’s wrong, and could certainly count as cheating to many people. But rather than judge outright, this person’s partner will listen and find out that maybe this situation resulted because they haven’t kept things lively in their relationship. There wasn’t enough attention, or affection there, to keep both parties happy. It was something lacking in the relationship, that one of them sought for from other people, not because they were genuinely interested in those people, but because they just wanted to feel special again.

In other words, solid, healthy couples will hold off on any judgment calls and understand the other person’s perspective, reasoning, and sense of being. Even if mistakes are made, there is always a pause and a conversation, before a verdict is made. It doesn’t always end peacefully, and that’s okay. Not every relationship works out. But if you can’t stay, or they can’t stay, even after talking calmly and understanding the reasoning behind a mistake, then at least you both know it was amicable.

Kindness

Being kind is rule number one in healthy relationships. It’s just too easy to be mean, to get wrapped up in the day to day, or to focus on your own selfish needs and wants. Especially if you’ve been together for a while, say 2-3 years at least. You tend to forget just how special that person is, and why you fell for them in the first place.

To keep the relationship running smoothly, you should always strive to be nice. When your boyfriend get home, assuming you live together, ask if they want tea or coffee, or something else, like a light snack. If you don’t live together, do something else, like asking them how their day was. If they appear distressed, or upset over something, stop whatever you’re doing and just listen. Let them vent.

Kindness takes many forms. It could be an unexpected cookie to cheer them up, or it could be taking a much-needed nap together after a long week. It could even be respecting your partner when they say they don’t want to talk about X, Y, or Z.

Absence

It’s true what they say, absence does make the heart grow fonder. There’s something about being able to miss the person you’re with that makes you love them that much more. This keeps you both… romantic! It’s easier to appreciate each other when you’re allowed to miss each other sometimes.

For example, maybe you’re both at home a lot. You both work from home. It means one of you could go out and run errands alone sometimes, or just hang out with a friend. It could even be as simple as working from a local coffee shop while your partner works from home.

If all of that seems too difficult, or like things you wouldn’t go out of your way to do naturally anyway, at least step into another room every now and then. Maybe one of you naps in bed while the other watches TV in the living room for a few hours.

If you don’t live together, it’s even easier. Go 2-3 days without hanging out. Just stay in touch over the phone. It would be a nice break, and give you both time to take care of pressing matters, like cleaning up closets, or catching up with friends. And when you two finally see each other in person again, it’s extra exciting, extra fun, and extra loving.

So, don’t put it off. Every so often when you’re feeling some ungratefulness or burnout coming on, take a mini vacation from your partner for some rest and relaxation.