Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble
Whether it is a long-term cohabitation commitment, an engagement or a marriage, every relationship has the same warning signs right before it combusts.
Does it feel like you and your significant other keep having the same fight over and over and over? That’s because you probably are and it is a sign that your relationship is in trouble. This repeated fight occurs partly because your needs are not being met or heard in a satisfactory manner which leaves you frustrated and feeling high strung and on the defensive with your partner.
If it feels like no matter what you do, nothing is ever good enough for your partner then your relationship is in trouble. Chronic criticism is a sign that your relationship is in need of some maintenance and readjustments for improvement. But if nothing ever makes him or her happy, then maybe they need to work on their own expectations for happiness on their own before coming back to the relationship with a clearer mind.
Out Of Order Priorities
Lots of things take priority in the day to day workings of life, and that is fine. The problem begins when other things like children, work, our friends, the random people we meet who need our help or our hobbies become a higher priority than our relationship with our significant other. Placing our children (for example) above our partner leaves everyone frustrated with no one’s needs being met and everyone feeling insecure and resentful.
Lack Of Physical Intimacy
Maybe, in the beginning, you were both all over each other but now with two jobs, a mortgage and a few kids, things aren’t so hot anymore. Or maybe you moved in together thinking this would only heat things up, but all it did was cool everything off. Whatever the reason, a lack of intimacy can be a sign that a relationship is in trouble. We go from being lovers to just friends and maybe even roommates, which is never very romantic.
Feelings Of Contempt
For any relationship to thrive there has to be a base of respect from both members for each other in order for it to succeed. When there is a lack of respect there is usually an abundance of the opposite—contempt. Feelings contempt for our partner is like a weed slowly choking the flower. It leads down a path of resentment and bitterness, ultimately ending up at the door to hatred. No one wants that.
One of the biggest reality checks that couples face is their own expectations. Sometimes we enter a new relationship expecting to be married by such and such a date with x-amount of children and a yearly vacation somewhere romantic. But once reality sets in, we might find our expectations taking a hit. This can strain any relationship—especially if neither party wants to compromise.
Lack Of Trust
For a relationship to be successful, there needs to be a certain amount of trust. Trust is what keeps us connected and ensures that we are safe and secure together even when we are physically apart. If there is a lack of trust in the form of mistrust or distrust for whatever reason, this can slowly and silently eat away at the relationship until we are left with a crumbling shell and shattered emotions.
Sense Of Self
Often at the beginning of a relationship, we are all for diving in and learning everything we can about our partner and spending every minute together. We even come up with cool activities and hobbies we can make “our thing.” But a few years down the road, it might be hard for us to remember what we were like before we centered our world around our partner. This lost sense of self can negatively impact the relationship and lead to all kinds of trouble. Taking a step back and finding ourselves again can do us both a wonder of good.
Separate Social Lives
Of course, we don’t want to become too separate from each other either. It is one thing to lose ourselves in the relationship and need to create some space to find ourselves again; it is an entirely different matter when we never merge together at all. We might not like our partner’s friends or family members, so we spend all our social time away from them in our own little social circle. This separation can wear on the relationship and leave it vulnerable to attack from outsiders.
Fear Of Vulnerability
This fear can stem from present issues or past ghosts rising up to haunt us. Whatever the reason, if we feel like we can’t be open and vulnerable with our partner then we will never put ourselves out there and take the risk. Often, we will try, and our partner will respond in a manner that hurts us, so we decide that ultimately it is safer to stay in our shell and never come out again. This is not a healthy tactic.
When things don’t go our way in a relationship or our needs are unmet and unheard, resentment can build up. You might be the exhausted stay-at-home mom who feels like she never gets to get outside and do adult things anymore while your husband sleeps all night and goes to work. Or maybe you are the hardworking man who feels like his wife is always so busy with the kids that she never has any time or energy left for you. You married her not the kids. It can be so easy for resentment to develop and ruin everything.
Lack Of Communication
In the olden days, we would stay up all night talking about literally everything. Now we just discuss the basics like which of us is picking up the kids, what to make for dinner and how much we want to save that month. These types of sundry discussions are not the type that builds up a relationship.